Does 30 quality seconds make up for 85 minutes of bad film? I’m thinking “no,” but would love to have somebody try to change my mind. For almost an hour-and-a-half, this ghost tale is an absolute boor, as weak as any Paranormal Activity film, but packaged in the reputation of Steven Soderbergh … which, to my mind, makes it worse.
But the denouement of this film is so exciting and hard-hitting, it almost compensates for the rest. Almost.
This family sucks. I mean they really, really suck. And they have a ghost to boot. First off, this is a family of frustrated people. Having a ghost probably didn’t help matters, but this family was gonna have problems with or without a ghost. Mom (Lucy Liu) and Dad (Chris Sullivan) don’t get along. Mom is skimming at work, but Dad just kinda has to go with it. Meanwhile, Mom dotes on her asshole son, Tyler (Eddy Maday), while ignoring daughter Chloe (Callina Liang). The film is entirely shot from the ghost’s perspective, which is kinda weird, but something you get used to. The ghost is probably as frustrated as I am with these jokers. It “lives” in Chloe’s room, and is quite anal about several things.
Oh, and it’s a total ghostprude. If you can make it to the afterlife and are still uptight about putting books back on the shelf and making sure sex isn’t happening, well, dude, maybe you should move on. Chloe has lost two friends recently. Both “died in their sleep” which 
isn’t a thing for the teenage crowd. When Chloe figures out there’s a ghost, she thinks it’s Nadia, one of these dead girls.
For the most part, Nadia is boring. From time to time, the ghost knocks something over but, hey, so does my cat; I’m not calling an exorcist on her. By and large, however, the ghost is so docile, I wondered why anyone cared. In the amusement park of the cinematic horror-verse, Presence ain’t scary enough to go on any of the adult rides.
So we’re back to the initial question: does a wild thirty seconds compensate for Casper the ennui ghost? I don’t think so. However, if you’re the kind of person inclined to find ghosts scary as a rule, rather than on a case-by-case basis, this might be a must see. But I don’t think even the ghost thinks that.
A poltergeist hung out in house
Spiritually, docile as a mouse
But it didn’t like sex
A notable flex
It’s an otherworldly kind of a grouse
Rated R, 85 Minutes
Director: Steven Soderbergh
Writer: David Koepp
Genre: Ghostprudes!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Believers
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The easily bored
