Here’s a film that challenges the viewer to scream: “JUSTIFY MY DOLLAR!” And offers little in return. When we go to theaters, we don’t go there for free. Therefore, our visits have to be justified. Yeah, streaming costs, too, but which would you rather: one (1) ticket to a place where magic isn’t happening, or all of Netflix for a month? I mean, think about it – Marvel may have gone down significantly in quality, but where else am I going to see Harrison Ford turn into a red hulk? I loathed The Brutalist, and yet -even there- where else am I gonna see Guy Pearce rape Adrien Brody?
“Spoilers?” Ha! Trust me; I just did you a favor.
That brings us to today’s feature, Ex-Husbands, which (with the possible exception of setting) has next-to-nothing of unique value to offer. A classic festival movie, Ex-Husbands features men of questionable charisma having very uninspired adventures before the film ends to the mild satisfaction of the three people watching it.
Ex-Husbands reunites Griffin Dunne and Patricia Arquette, whom I both enjoyed in After Hours (1985). But now it’s forty years later and the film breaks them apart in the first ten minutes. Well, what did I expect in a film titled “Ex-Husbands,” huh? Ex-Husbands is a bro film, highlighting three generations of Pearce men trying to figure out marriage: Simon Pearce (Richard Benjamin), who got divorced after 30+ years of marriage and now lives alone in a retirement home, his son Peter (Dunne), who just is headed to Tulum to sign the divorce papers on a beach somewhere, and Peter’s sons Nick (James Norton), who has gone to Tulum for his bachelor party and Mickey (Miles Heizer), the guy who arranged the bachelor party.
What passes for controversy in this film is that the sons don’t want dad in Tulum -he wasn’t invited to the bachelor weekend- but dad went to Tulum anyway figuring that he’d stay away from his sons, no big whoop. These are things that can, of course, easily happen in real life, but seem to be conflicts in movies. I can pretty much guarantee that if I don’t wish to see someone who lives on my block, I can make that happen, but on film, of course, everybody is interconnected 
because of course they are.
The key here is that every man in this film is pretty mediocre, so writer/director Noah Pritzker presented us with a lot of them, hoping we wouldn’t notice. I have no idea why Peter needs to be in Tulum the same week as his sons, and I’m not sure he does, either. But, gee, long as you’re here, why not show up to all the bachelor hijinks, like having dinner at a restaurant (slow down you guys; I can’t keep up). Gee, hey, maybe one of these guys will get lucky before the film ends. Clearly, I didn’t.
As I left the theater, I jotted in my notes: A mild movie where mild things happen and mild people make mild plans for mild reasons. Name any part of that sentence which has appeal. This is only a film that is tolerable in context. As in, “I saw four films today: Last Breath, My Dead Friend Zoe, The Monkey, and one-other I can’t remember – it was about bros in Mexico, I think.” That is the only way Ex-Husbands justifies itself. This is a ridiculous waste of money otherwise.
A divorcing father called Peter
Became his son’s bachelor party greeter
To nobody’s fascination
Coincidal vacation
And a sausagefest measured only by bro-meter
Not Rated, 99 Minutes
Director: Noah Pritzker
Writer: Noah Pritzker
Genre: Movies you’ll wish you stayed home for
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Griffin Dunne fans (?) Do those exist?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who need to justify their expenses
