Let me get this out there right now: I don’t hate the kid. I hate the movie. Yes, the kid is annoying, obnoxious, constantly in your face, and in real life I would hide specifically to avoid interaction from this balsa-boned autistic chatterbox, but I see the appeal. And, huzzah, Godsquaders, your wish to make the world see value in all (selective) humanity is proudly on display here. Huzzah. Huzzah.
And yet, The Unbreakable Boy is a painful watch from obvious cringe to the cringe you didn’t even know you’re cringing, did you, movie? I bet you didn’t.
Let’s start with the obvious: the story is about Austin (“Oz”), an overstimulated autistic trainwreck of a boy with osteogenesis imperfecta (a genetic disorder that makes bones quite brittle; think Samuel L. Jackson in Unbreakable). This kid is constantly upbeat and mugging for a camera that may-or-may not be there. He’s like a camp counselor who won’t let you sleep. Oh, AND he’s the narrator, because who doesn’t like being lectured by a world-wise autistic 12-year-old?
However, the story is really about Scott LeRette (Zachary Levi), an everyman husband and father who comes off (to me) as a disgusting failure in both categories. To me, this guy is the prima facie example of how society bends over backwards to champion white mediocrity.
The film begins with Scott dead drunk on NYE. He’s at a party.
“He’s not driving, is he?”
“YES, HE IS!”
“Oh, GOD, HE’S NOT TAKING HIS KIDS WITH HIM, IS HE?!”
“YES, HE IS!!”
I should have left at that moment. I’m not above redemption or forgiveness, but don’t make me root for this douchebag.
Alas, the movie had to give me his backstory …
Mom (Meghann Fahy) was working retail when dad hit on her. We preface this by pointing out Scott was egged on by his imaginary friend, Joe (Drew Powell). There should be all kinds of alarm bells at this point, huh? Especially when your imaginary friend is giving you really bad advice – you don’t hit on people at work. That is not cool. It puts them on the spot and at an incredible disadvantage. Only assholes think this behavior is acceptable.
It gets better.
On their first date, “coffee,” Scott takes Teresa to a fancy restaurant. She’s in sweatpants, because “coffee.” Scott: “They have coffee at this place.” I cannot add enough sarcasm and disgust to display correctly my feeling here. To me, this move shows you have zero respect for your would-be partner. ZERO. You don’t respect her enough to accept her parameters of the first date and you embarrass her beyond comprehension by forcing her to go casual in a coat-and-tie setting. If this is how you act on Day 1, how are you going to act when you’re married?
By date #3, Teresa is pregnant. She’s not ready. He’s not ready. But GOD FORBID you ever discuss abortion. NO, can’t have that. It is simply
so much better for society to force a child into a situation where they will be abused.
And then the film essentially says, “But look out how great Austin (Jacob Laval) turned out! I mean, sure, he’s autistic, with toothpick bones, and a father so self-centered he never considers his family above himself, but isn’t he a great kid?
Well, yes, sure he is. Now make a movie for every other abused and unwanted child in this nation and tell me the same thing. Oh, and do make sure the next kid isn’t white.
Repetitive, preachy, and a Christmas stocking full of cringe, The Unbreakable Boy is a movie that will be cherished by holier-than-thou Christians who love to thrust their holier-than-thou values onto the rest of us. I found this film disturbing and vomit-inducing. Yeah, the kid is adorable, well worth his 42 broken bones and non-stop inability to read the room. Ever. And if this is your thesis, great, more power to you. But do not pretend for an instance that what you’ve shown here is a positive testimony to pro-life values. For one thing, what happens when this kid invariably needs to be in a special school that his parents can’t afford? And how much manpower is going to go into the therapy they can’t afford? Who is going to pay for that? If it’s up to me, I say “society” and tax billionaires to cover it — but these things are NEVER up to me … and they don’t seem to be things Christian voters are promoting these days, either. These two parents never should have become a couple, much less parents, and both of their children are going to need a ton of hand0holding not to become sociopaths. Sell it elsewhere, Jesus freak.
There was once brittle kid named Oz
Who embraced each and every day, because
That was his style
He knew naught but smile
And his brain proved immune to nature’s laws
Rated PG, 109 Minutes
Director: Jon Gunn
Writer: Jon Gunn, Scott LeRette, Susy Flory
Genre: *cringe*
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Godsquaders; people who have no idea how far their values have been compromised by RW politics
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “Please make it stop”
