I never quite got “The Munsters.” “The Addams Family” I understood; they were creepy and into that whole Goth scene. Yeah, they were kinda introverted and eccentric, but it fed the local gossip. I get that. “The Munsters” were actual monsters – benevolent, I suppose, but monstrous. If they stop being monsters, i.e. “we’re gonna be nice from now on …” well … now you’re more like weird magicians. “Look, I dress in a tux and turn into a bat … for my next trick … etc., etc.”
This is where I am with the Hotel Transylvania gang. Dracula (voice of Adam Sandler) doesn’t drink blood. Heck, he doesn’t even kill folks any more. And he’s a family man as his vampire daughter ,Mavis (Selena Gomez), is having a baby. A baby as in birthing. As in XY chromosomes and baby proofing and toilet training. Wha …?! Vampires now sire humans? Like humans sire humans …? What, they’re normal, just kinda weird — like Russians and Jehovah’s Witnesses? Um … OK.
‘Cuz, you know, vamps are just normal guys, like you and me. Oh, and they certainly can go out in the sun. And turn into bats. The integrity of this particular mythology? Turned into a ball of dust and blew away. Yeah, ok. So I guess I have to evaluate this film on the merits of its familiness and not its monsterness.
The “controversy” this time around is that Drac wants his new grandson to be a vamp – like turn into a bat and fly; these are, apparently, the only things that make a vampire special. He ushers Mavis and his indolent son-in-law, Jonathan (Andy Samberg), to scout out California as a possible change of address while he and his pals Frankenstein (Kevin James) and invisible man (David Spade – geez, do James and Spade live in Sandler’s back yard or something?) among others teach the kid how to be a monster. This, of course, backfires spectacularly – Frankenstein is a celebrity, wolfman (Steve Buscemi) has a bad back and the mummy (Keegan-Michael Key) gets set on fire.
Look, I know this is a cartoon and a comedy, but, but, but you’ve left your only child with grandpa who promised to take care of the child to your specifications, which he was lying about pretty much to the maximum extent one can lie about stuff. Meanwhile, you 
and your useless husband visit his home and his parents without your child. Try passing that one off to new grandparents – see how far it gets ya. And the worst part? This material is stale. Dracula’s failure to accept a family member as is was the theme of the first film. Ugh.
Hotel Transylvania 2 is better than the first. Yeah, they took liberties with the monster mythology and now classic villains are cute, cuddly monsters, but they had better jokes this time around – wolfman as the hotel tennis pro who teaches proper technique and then fetches the swatted tennis ball and buries it … and the vampire camp which has turned namby-pamby touchy-feely since Dracula’s youth. Dracula was a youth? Yeah, don’t fight it. You’ll just give yourself a headache.
I sure didn’t love this, but the star-and-a-half was mostly because I’m still pissed at the first version.
♪I was sleeping in my chair, one afternoon
This animated film couldn’t end too soon
There was Sandler, with accented cries
And suddenly, to no surprise
He did the mush, he did the monster mush
He worked the crowd. It was maudlin bush
We played along, as if true emotion at work
But it was forced, so I felt like a jerk
There was bolty Frank about as scary as pie
And mangy wolfman, with a tear in his eye
That cur-sed mummy behaving like he was blessed
Whatever happened to my horror film fest?♫
Rated PG, 89 Minutes
D: Genndy Tartakovsky
W: Robert Smigel, Adam Sandler
Genre: Touchy feely family monstery
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People who need the good side of horror
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Vampire purists
♪ Parody inspired by “Monster Mash”
