Were I James Cameron, I’d avoid the word “sanctimonious”. I’d avoid its root words; I’d avoid words with similar prefixes; I’d avoid words that rhymed with “sanctimonious”; I’d avoid irrelevant words that reminded me of the word “sanctimonious”. Clearly, I’m not Sanctum’s producer James Cameron.
Sanctum is another man v. nature disaster film. What separates this disaster from, say, The Towering Inferno or The Poseidon Adventure? IMAX 3D. Yeah, that about does it. Well, that and the fact that I HATE ALL THE PEOPLE IN THIS MOVIE. Sometimes Poseidon will give you somebody to root for. I’m pretty sure the brains behind this project assumed we’d rally behind the actors because of the prevalence of Australian accents. Why else would we care? The whiny kid? The Ted Turner billionaire or his mistress? The guy with the Ramones shirt? I know, I know, let’s root for Frank (Richard Roxburgh), the team leader. This is pretty much the last guy I want leading me anywhere. He accounts for not one, but two mercy killings in the film; he also has a propensity for leaving safety in favor of peril. Want to take a walk with this guy to the corner store? “I have a hangnail”. “Leave him! He’s dead to us! Forget it; I’ll shoot him now.” “Shouldn’t we wait at the light?” “No! More people will be along any second now; we’ll be crowded. Rush into on-coming traffic; it’s our only 
chance!” Maybe it sounds more reasonable with an Australian accent. At least it kind-of did in the theater.
Basic plot here is a bunch of wealthy douchebags decide to do some joy spelunking in a cave that looks like a giant asshole. For a reason only explainable as “plot device,” they fail to check the weather and when a flash flood arrives, the vertical cave starts to fill with water. Then, of course, the quality decisions arrive – instead of going back up the hole to safety, or assuming that a cavern the size of a gymnasium could take a little water, they decide instead to explore the already flooded and unmapped cave system. Naturally, they start dying, one after another, because underground caves are dangerous places. One of the primary rules of being human is “never explore the unknown without a guaranteed oxygen supply.” – Several characters in Sanctum claim to be rocket scientists, but apparently missed out on basic biological science in the process.
Well hey, let’s face it, if the jerks didn’t die from their own foolishness, there wouldn’t be anything to like about Sanctum.
Rated R, 108 Minutes
D: Alister Grierson
W: John Garvin and Andrew Wight
Genre: Ten Little Indians, nature-style
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People who like it when unpleasant characters die
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Claustrophobes
