You won’t believe this, but Rupert Grint isn’t a terrible actor. I know. I know. Potterheads like me struggled for a decade trying to resolve the discrepancy between the Ron Weasley of the books whom we wanted as a best friend and the Ron Weasley of the movies whom we wanted to punch square in the nose most times he was on screen. You won’t believe it, but that guy isn’t a disaster when you take him away from the Potter format.
Speaking of disasters, a lot of people think the original moon landing was faked. I suppose it’s only natural these days if you buy into the modern American anti-science agenda – that’s right: Global Warming? Conspiracy to get you to vote green. Gun violence statistics? Conspiracy to abolish the second amendment. For God’s sake, don’t you dare buy that whole “gravity” bullshit. Gravity is part of the hidden liberal agenda to keep you from flying; don’t fall for it.
Humans first touched the surface of the moon on July 20, 1969. For the United States, this was the pinnacle “nyah-nyah” moment in the Cold War. We had to do this because otherwise the Russians would and we’d look foolish. I cannot stress enough how stupid said motivation seems in retrospect. Nobody can deny, however, men first setting foot on the moon was a huge deal. So there were contingencies, right? I mean, you can’t just assume a moon landing. It’s never been done before. What if it (like a handful of other Apollo missions) went horribly wrong? Who ends up with a face full of green cheese then, huh?
Kidman (Ron Perlman) is a C.I.A. op constantly having Vietnam flashbacks. His mission is to get Stanley Kubrick (yes, that Stanley Kubrick) to fake a moon landing. Fake moon footage is needed in case Apollo 11 was a disaster, doncha see? Why Kubrick? Who’s better at creating phony space shenanigans than the guy who just made 2001: A Space Odyssey? Perlman’s horror flashbacks leave us feeling that the man is literally capable of anything, like when he strolls into the metaphorical lion’s den and starts executing lions. That’s crazy even by C.I.A. standards.
Now let’s get back to Ron. Jonny (Grint) is the world’s worst band manager. It doesn’t help that his band is a bunch of talentless wankers. They want to drop him even though he’s into the mob for album investment money. Dude borrows from the mob to promote you and you still want to drop him? That’s cold. However, it’s the right move. Jonny stinks. After getting an ugly mob wake-up call, Jonny drops in on a successful cousin, one who just happens to manage Stanley Kubrick. Ahhh, see where we’re goin’? A series of poor-timed absences and well-placed misunderstandings later and Jonny & Stanley-Kubrick-impersonating mate (Robert Sheehan) are off to audition for a suitcase full of C.I.A. money.
I like the dilemma here because while the briefcase of money should have been a McGuffin, it wasn’t entirely – the C.I.A. only cares about the money as it pertains to 
getting a film made; the incentive doesn’t actually matter; the C.I.A. could be the freaking genie from Aladdin if it means the fake footage gets shot. The -eventual- filmmakers themselves don’t even know there is a big suitcase of cash and most of them only care about getting high anyway (it is 1969, after all). This all means that while there are squabbles over the cash, the cash only represents a happy ending for a select few players in the film.
I totally bought Rupert Grint as a luckless loser. Yes, I suppose “luckless loser” doesn’t exactly separate him from Ron Weasley; the difference being that this Ron was often the captain sailing his own ship into an iceberg. Iceberg Perlman isn’t a mass to mess. Moonwalkers relied a little too heavily on absurdity. I like the story, but it’s so time specific there isn’t much wiggle room to explore the cast. Moonwalkers also proved exceptionally graphic (it is 1969, after all). The visuals, however, detracted from the tone. It’s hard to play “laugh with the offbeat stylings of Ron Weasley” when that dude in the corner turns into a worm-faced zombie.
♪Film me on the moon
Let me plant the stripes and stars
Let me see how this plays out
In local pubs and bars
In other words, fake that land
In other words, baby, fool me♫
Rated R, 107 Minutes
Director: Antoine Bardou-Jacquet
Writer: Dean Craig
Genre: Reimagining imagination
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Stanley Kubrick
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The C.I.A.
♪ Parody Inspired by “Fly Me to the Moon”
