Is “Gringo” derogatory? I just looked that one up because if you’re going there, I can think of all sorts of inappropriate movie titles. My sources say, “no,” btw, or, in the very least, there has to be intent to abase when one uses the word. That’s good, right? Cuz I want to get the jingo on the lingo, Bingo. I refuse to work “Mandingo” into that sentence. From what I understand, “gringo” is supposed to be a playful version of “jerk” or “dummy” aimed at all non-Spanish-speaking foreigners. Having been called a “Gringo” several times in my life, it actually makes me feel a little better knowing that the usage might not have been intended to hurt.
This brings me to today’s Gringo, also not intended to hurt, yet failing in the effort. Gringo feels like the kind of movie the Coen brothers would have made while severely hungover. I imagine Joel or Ethan saying, “Yeah, sure, let him have a childish aversion to needles. That will work, I guess. For the love of Llewyn Davis, will somebody please bring me a bottle of aspirin?” Gringo feels uninspired and desperately in search of an admirer: “This is funny, right? Like when the hero has an ethical crisis about use of the hotel suite mini-bar?” Sure, that’s funny. And if there were at least a dozen more of those, you might have a winner.
Speaking of brothers, Gringo was directed by Nash Edgerton while co-starring Joel Edgerton. Wait. There’s more of these guys? When you have downtime in Australia, do you invite all the Hemsworths over for a barbecue? While I now know a fair amount about Joel Edgerton, the name “Nash Edgerton” was completely gringo to me, so I looked him up: 136 stunt credits, which would explain the one uninspired car chase in the film. He also has 18 director credits, of which four are Bob Dylan videos. I have no idea where I’m going with this. Suffice to say, there are worse resumes and there are literally billions of people who know less about film. But that didn’t stop Nash from getting a lousy performance out of his brother, Charlize Theron, and just about everybody else in the cast.
Our hero is middle-management flunkee Harold Soyinka (David Oyelowo). His hobbies include taking one for the team, cuckholding, and being human bait. As the unwitting dupe of his evil bosses, Richard Rusk (Joel Edgerton) and Elaine Markinson (Theron), Harold is the kind of guy who handles an account and then gets shut out of the negotiation. Harold’s company, Cannabax Technologies, has developed a “Weed Pill,” a medical marijuana kind of thing. This should be funny, right? It isn’t. And Harold gets caught in the middle of his bosses and a drug cartel while overseeing the manufacture of said pill in Mexico.
It’s actually easier to explain this half-assed plot if tell you my idea for a new board game. After seeing Game Night and Gringo in the same week, I came up with “Gringo!” In Gringo! every player picks a character from the movie and then 
moves around the board. Whenever a player stops on a blue square, they have to kidnap Harold. Dice are rolled for amount of ransom (anywhere from 25 cents to 5 million dollars). Dice are also rolled for who the ransom is demanded of. The person playing Harold can also hold themselves for ransom. Whenever a player is just about to receive the ransom demanded, their turn ends. Fun, huh?
Gringo had the trappings of several amusing films without really getting there. Mostly, I loathed the characters throughout. I didn’t dig the milquetoast routine out of Harold, nor the back-stabbing friend in Richard, nor Harold’s wife, nor the dive hotel Mexicans, nor the cartel players, nor even Charlize Theron constantly displaying the fall line from Victoria Secret. [The “Secret” is making sure all men get a good view of your fetching bra at all times.] I did actually like the mob boss “Black Panther” (no relation) with his Beatles obsession. And then he cut a guy’s toe off for little more than spite, so there goes that. The trailer implies an amusing film. Don’t be fooled; you’re not going to like what you see.
♪Here come the drugs (doo doo doo doo)
Here come the drugs, and I say
“About time”
Little Gringo, it’s been a long pathetic intro
Little Gringo, I’m hoping something will endear
Here come the drugs (doo doo doo doo)
Here come the drugs, and I say
“About time” ♫
Rated R, 110 Minutes
Director: Nash Edgerton
Writer: Anthony Tambakis and Matthew Stone
Genre: Drug war fun!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Marianne Edgerton, mother of Joel and Nash
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: That jealous Leonie Hemsworth, mother of Liam, Chris, and Luke
♪ Parody Inspired by “Here Comes the Sun”
