Uh oh, Tyler Perry found the thesaurus. For those unfamiliar with the meaning of the SAT-inspired title, writer/director/one-man-corporation Tyler Perry made sure that a list of synonyms appeared on cue with the title: bitterness, anger, rancor, resentment, ill feeling, ill will, bad blood, animosity, hostility, enmity, antagonism, waspishness, spleen, malice, spite, spitefulness, peevishness, venom. Why, thank you, movie. Those will all come in handy in shaping this review. Now, where were you when I watched The Revenant?
The opening titles wouldn’t be the last time the thesaurus route took hold; after 80% of the movie had already expired, Tyler decided it was time to go with chapter titles, each containing a 10th grade vocabulary word and some synonyms. I wish Acrimony stuck with a vocab lesson, because these turned out to be the movie highlights. Had the film been one long English class, I might have learned something useful. Here’s what I learned instead: if you’re dating a psychotic woman, try not to marry and disappoint her for twenty years. I’m not sure that lesson is worth the learning.
Melinda is the woman scorned. Like the poster says, “Hell hath no fury.” Oh, wait. I just figured something out – was this movie supposed to be a depiction of Hell for your audience? I could almost get behind that idea. Melinda is played by either Taraji P. Henson or Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Melinda is so sour in this film, there are many times I could not tell the difference. After taking the “therapy” choice from the judge’s “therapy or jail?” threat, we get to hear all about Melinda’s Acrimony.
BTW, what kind of therapist asks, “Do you feel entitled to your anger?” That’s worse than a leading poll question. The word is research, Tyler, research: (noun) investigation, experimentation, testing, analysis, fact-finding, fieldwork, examination, scrutiny.
Lucky us, Melinda (played younger by Ajiona Alexus) wants to go back to the start, a college collision-cute without the cute. Robert (younger: Antonio Madison, older: Lyriq Bent) and Melinda hit each other in the rain which triggers Melinda’s anger and Robert’s hormones. Robert returns to give Melinda papers that were inadvertently transferred in the shuffle and ends up “helping” Melinda write an essay for a class he previously aced. I swear to God, next scene, Melinda gets an F. Not a C-, not a D. An F. This is the essence of bad writing. How much help do you need to get an F? On a paper, not a test. There’s no way Robert could have aced the class without at least helping a little, no? It is simply unbelievable that their lives progress together past this point. And in classic bad Tyler Perry direction, Melinda’s sisters show up at that very moment (while she’s still gripping the big fat F in front of Robert) to announce that mom has died.
Melinda ends up inheriting mom’s house and $350K. She immediately spends $25K buying Robert a new car. He doesn’t call her for two days afterwards. When Melinda does find him, Robert is sleeping with another woman, so naturally Melinda rams Robert’s trailer repeatedly with her jeep until it knocks over.
And then Melinda and Robert get married.
You might wonder what went on in between those last two sentences. I’m wondering the same thing.
You remember that Janet Jackson song, “What Have You Done for Me Lately?” Well, this one goes, “What have you done for me, ever?” If your boyfriend doesn’t treat you well, doesn’t give you things or attention, isn’t around, and then sleeps with other women, that’s not your boyfriend. And any woman with the –excuse the expression- balls to fell his trailer after an indiscretion just doesn’t have “doormat” in her, does she? Look, if you’re gonna describe “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” you have to start from a place where she wasn’t scorned, doncha? If you marry somebody you have no reason to like, much less trust, that’s kinda on you, isn’t it? Where’s the believable in this tale? If I don’t buy it, there is no thriller.
I’m afraid Acrimony doesn’t begin to describe the loathing I have for this film. While it’s hard to buy any plot point in the whole movie, it’s harder still to enjoy any single character. I think this is supposed to be some sort of feminist anthem, but Taraji P. Henson comes off as either bitter or psychotic the entire time. Is this what the entirety of feminism means to you, Tyler: making ill-advised choices and then being angry about them for eternity? For someone who plays a woman from time to time, you seem to know precious little about the gender.
On the other hand, dramatist Tyler Perry found a whole new genre (“thriller”) to skewer; I knew you had it in ya, buddy. As for Acrimony, I watched a
number of people buy tickets to the film over the past week, but I couldn’t imagine any enjoying it. I would imagine most men distancing themselves from Robert’s sloth and any woman actively rooting for Melinda out of solidarity has to recognize the woman as damaged, not justified.
You know what? There was a good film here; it went something like this: Melinda tells us in detail how she’s been wronged. We get mere hints of her psychotic responses to the injustices. Don’t portray her as bitter and unstable, but mostly confused and helpless. In the last half hour, turn the tables; show Robert’s point-of-view. We see him not as slothful and selfish, but cowed and indecisive. What we thought about Melinda’s sparks of aggression suddenly comes to a whole new light: Is she insane? Is she a bully? Is she simply mistaken? Offer two different accounts of similar events and let the audience decide what the truth is. That film could have made a decent thriller, especially when Perry’s sloppy direction constantly points to a vision so mangled it cannot be believed. This, however? This Acrimony is an undistinguished FAIL. That’s Fail: (noun) be unsuccessful, not succeed, fall through, fall flat, collapse, founder, backfire, meet with disaster, come to nothing, come to naught.
It’s true, I don’t dig director/writer TP
I’m inclined to find fault with that which I see
And yet, there’s perfection within this adapt
When it comes to naming films,” Acrimony?” Quite apt
Rated R, 120 Minutes
Director: Tyler Perry
Writer: Tyler Perry
Genre: Tyler’s version of feminism
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: I dunno. Insane wronged black women hoping who leave before the end, maybe?
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Anyone forced to discuss it afterwards
