Six years ago Robert Rodriguez gave us The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3-D. It was bad. Real bad. And he also gave us Taylor Lautner along with it. Thanks, Robert. So sorry I didn’t get you anything in return. How about head lice? That’s a fair exchange, right? I don’t remember if the then 12-year-old Lautner took off his shirt. Something tells me he did. But I digress. Despite being an utter failure, Sharkboy/Lavagirl incorporated that magical 3D technology, a key forerunner of that which you see today. In its own way, Sharkboy helped pave the way, good or bad, for the 3D revolution. Isn’t that good to know?
So now I give you Spy Kids 4, with smell-o-vision. Do you ever wish you were making this stuff up? Kids who attended Spy Kids 4 got a special piece of cardboard with not-so-innovative scratch-n-sniff technology. And when a number flashes on screen (not unlike when the screen told Sharkboy patrons to put on 3D glasses), kids were to smell the appropriate number to make their screen experience complete. Pretty sure #6 was a fart. Not to be confused with Spy Kids 4, which was a turd.
Is Rodriguez a messiah once again? Are we going to be smelling films in the future? Boy I hope not.
I didn’t hate Spy Kids the way I hate most bad films. I’ll sum it up in one moment – the film opens with Jessica Alba, superspy, tracking a villain. Oh, and she’s nine months pregnant. She chases by car, then by foot. (Don’t ever let anybody tell Robert Rodriguez who can and cannot be an action hero – one of the spy kids in this film wears hearing aids) The bad guy cuts a corner by sliding over the hood of a parked car. Then nine-month pregnant Alba does the same. This is as funny as it sounds. Of course, it’s hard to take anything seriously after that moment, and there’s at least 55 minutes of heavy handed dialogue about family and loyalty to come. Ugh. When you see a very pregnant woman beat up henchman, you do wonder if the writer/director believes any of the crap he’s selling.
Smell-o-vision? I smell a bomb.
Rated PG, 89 Minutes
D: Robert Rodriguez
W: Robert Rodriguez
Genre: Innovative disaster
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: People who like to smell stuff
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Humans
