When larceny is this clean and cool, you wonder why everybody doesn’t do it. The joy of this slick all-female entry within the Ocean’s Eleven oeuvre is the idea of women who are not only capable of the same massive theft as the men, but can do it while dressed to the nines. And lest we condescend to imagine a female Ocean’s Eleven is somehow lesser, this heist is every bit as unrealistic and real-life-impossible as its masculine counterparts.
Debbie Ocean (Sandra Bullock) got to wear makeup to her parole hearing. Is that a thing? I dunno. Come to think of it, her brother Danny probably wore makeup to his parole hearing, too. Yes, the premise is the Oceans are a heist-happy folk and today we’re rolling with sis. There’s no mention of her other sibs: Billy, Frank, and Antarctic. Using a speech that almost certainly would have earned a denial in The Shawshank Redemption, Debbie manages to spring from the joint and it is clear from her first pinch that she has no intention whatsoever of living up to any words about going straight.
The most striking part of the opening sequence for me was neither the bullshit speech, nor the initial shoplifting trip, but the swanky cocktail dress in which Debbie exits prison. No, Debbie, no! That dress is now over five years old! Just stick with the numbered orange jumpsuit; people will understand. After a day of heavy lifting, Debbie meets with her old pal, Lou (Cate Blanchett), a nightclub owner who waters down vodka in her spare time. At this point in the narrative, Debbie reveals the big plan – to rob the annual Met Gala.
Debbie is awfully confident her plan will work, which in my mind can only be possible because she’s read the screenplay. While she has identified a mark (Anne Hathaway) and a target (a rare diamond necklace worth one-hundred fifty MacGuffillion dollars), she still has to recruit at grifter (Awkwafina), a hacker (Rihanna), a jeweler (Mindy Kaling), an inside woman (Sarah Paulson), and -most importantly- a designer (Helena Bonham Carter) who not only is available and notable, is also desperate, unincorporated, and yet influential enough to be chosen by the mark AND get her to wear the rare diamond necklace in question. As if that wasn’t enough, there’s also the matter of getting NY’s finest to take the case off – yeah, explain
that loose end, Ocean’s 8 – and somehow include in the caper a revenge play against the ex-boyfriend (Richard Amitage), who framed Debbie five years ago for, I dunno, stealing the Arkenstone or something.
There is literally zero percent of this adventure I would expect to go as smoothly in real life. Zero percent. But Ocean’s 8 isn’t about plausibility. The details of this film exist only to give a Hercule Poirot-type explanation to the audience. The real movie is about women who are confident, capable, and look stunning in evening gowns. To this objective, Ocean’s 8 is a semi-magical film. Sure, this film is as good as any of the Ocean’s X quartet (I’m including the original Rat Pack version in that statement). If anything, what Ocean’s 8 truly suffers from is the same malady as the other Ocean films – it’s too smooth. There isn’t an ounce of grit in this heist. Do I need it to be gritty? No, I suppose not as I never intend to buy the reality. But I think Ocean’s 8 makes a grand statement about whether or not a fictional all-woman-engineered caper can be as entertaining as its male counterpart. It can.
Is it “man’s work” to make the big score?
Is this all-fem heist just a bore?
At first, I did scoff
But the ladies pulled it off
I’m just as nonplussed as before
Rated PG-13, 110 Minutes
Director: Gary Ross
Writer: Gary Ross & Olivia Milch
Genre: ♪Anything you can do/I can do better as well♫
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People whose version of “having it all” means stealing it while wearing Givenchy
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Based on the pre-voting, I would guess the Alt-Right has a problem with this film, too. Dudes, there’s more to life than sexism and bigotry, y’know?
