Ugly is so often a state of mind, huh? How we feel about any given [noun] clouds how attractive that [noun] seems to us. I’ve read that physical attraction among human unknowns depends a great deal on how symmetrical they are and how common [read: non-unique] their features. At that rate, finding someone attractive may as well be like saying, “Congratulations! You’re really average!” UglyDolls is about a-symmetrical and occasionally deformed toys; it turns out they have desires and dreams, too, just like the Toy Story crowd. And they are cute, decidedly objectively cute, which kinda undermines the whole premise that they’re ugly-yet-deserving-of-love, no? Meh, no matter. I think.
The aptly named Moxie (voice of Kelly Clarkson) wakes every morning in Uglyville with a song in her heart insisting that this is going to be “the day” … the day she connects with a human. You may find it annoying, but it’s darn near impossible to loathe Moxie’s optimism. She’s a pinky-red gap-toothed blob and while she is cute, it’s unconventional; i.e. getting a taker for that market is gonna take either voodoo or some sort of doll-match app. She has a blind spot for Uglyville, which is anything but. Oh I do hope the movie recognizes “you dunno what you got ‘til it’s gone,” y’know?
High above the secluded cliff-based town, there’s a spout where defective dolls pop out like spitballs; the lucky ones are caught before impact. Moxie’s big plan is to climb up to the chute and follow wherever it goes, cuz there’s gotta be a human on the other side.
There isn’t.
Instead there’s Nick Jonas, a “flawless” doll running a toy purgatory called the Institute of Perfection. Under the supervision of taskmaster Lou (Jonas), new dolls here are trained on the ins and outs of household maintenance, and, specifically, avoiding it. A flawed doll is a trashed doll. This part, you may recall, is extremely similar to the theme of Toy Story 2. At the end of training, the dolls have to pass the “Gauntlet,” a demo house full of doll-marring traps. This part, you may recall, is similar to the climax of Monsters University. So, yeah, UglyDolls is borrowing generously from the Pixar world, but it adds music.
If you’re hoping for an extension of the “Land of Misfit Toys” from Rudolph, that ain’t gonna happen. UglyDolls won’t bring you to tears-of-sympathy pain, but it does have a marvelous feel for the underdoll and a good understanding of what makes a doll special to a child. Hint: it’s rarely perfection. This is a flawed film, sure; would you expect any less? Like the dolls it promotes, it ain’t perfect, but I think it deserves a home somewhere.
They can have missing eyes or back flab
They can meld into all mustard drab
But for all their flaws
And the pain of felt claws
You don’t know ugly til you’ve seen lion-crab
Rated PG, 87 Minutes
Director: Kelly Asbury
Writer: Alison Peck
Genre: Anti-bully
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The flawed child
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The kind of person who keeps an action figure in its original packaging
