Dear Disney, did you ever consider making Aladdin a 
woman? “Alettyn?” “Alassyn?” I ask because of the “diamond in the rough” criteria. Is it really that difficult to find somebody whose lifelong intentions are purer than their outward façade? I can only speak of the gender I know, so, yes, if you limit your scope to men alone, that might be a difficult catch, and –let’s face it- the “diamond” you’ve chosen for this tale thieves and lies without a great deal of provocation. I can’t help thinking your standards fairly shallow. Not current-U.S.-President-nor-his-cabinet shallow, but pretty shallow all the same.
The best part of having a movie blog is eventually everything I’ve ever seen is relevant. And today I get to discuss two similar iterations of a Disney classic separated by twenty-seven years, or almost exactly the difference between college me and middle age me. And, like me and my timelines, both are huge disappointments. I kid. I like both versions of Aladdin and between the best of two of them, perhaps there’s one historically great film. As is, there’s enough in either to keep your children satisfied until their wonder turns into nostalgia, which is probably overstating their importance but not their realities.
In both tales, Aladdin is a young pickpocket commoner [read: “street rat”] who wins the lottery only to discover that most exhaustive and only partially true cliché: money can’t buy you love. The best character in the film remains not the hero Aladdin (Mena Massoud), nor his would-be squeeze Princess Jasmine (Naomi Scott), but the Genie of the lamp (Will Smith), who essentially drives all the action with a winning smile.
What’s better about Aladdin 2019:
- Live Human Genie. This may seem like blasphemy, and I shall entertain contrary opinions by stating straight off – I think Robin Williams deserved an Oscar nomination for voicework alone in Aladdin 1992. No other role in Robin Williams’ career quite captured his eclectic juxtaposition between zany and maudlin. A comic Genie deserved the comic brilliance Williams had to offer. That said, once you get over the shock of blue Will Smith, you might realize how superior it is that the Genie is a living, breathing, nearly-human person with expression and aspiration and feeling. The cartoon Genie felt like a contained tornado, which is as it should be. The live Genie feels like a semi-reluctant partner, which is also as it should be. For the picture to work, there has to be a relationship between Aladdin and Genie that is just as well-defined as the relationship between Aladdin and Jasmine.
- Stronger Princess Jasmine. It takes a while, and you may notice her solo comes across as very whiny until she follows it with some action. It is, however, impossible to downplay Jasmine’s desire to become sultan. Before wresting control, the Princess might want to learn a thing or two about economics, but that’s a different movie. This Jasmine doesn’t have to marry anybody. Screw those guys.
- Modern appeal. Right after her big solo, Jasmine makes a plea to palace guard Hakim (who?) stating the latter has a choice between his duty to Jafar and the correct course of action. This isn’t actually a plea to Hakim. Hakim is barely in the film. No, this is a plea to all Americans. There is no question that Guy Ritchie has run parallels between power-at-all-costs villain Jafar (Marwan Kenzari) and our current President. In the United States, we have in place the most corrupt, vile, lawless, stupid, myopic, self-serving, untruthful, and villainous would-be sultan the country has ever known, and the question to every American right now is the same one Jasmine asks of Hakim: do you stay loyal to the monster or do you resist? This message will be lost on most people … of that I am certain, but it hasn’t been lost on the Alt-Right who (in case you missed it) already engineered their periodic pre-release smear campaign.
- The Bollywood feel. Nobody does big musical numbers like Bollywood with giant casts and colorful costumes. The performers look like they’re having a blast backing up Will Smith during “Prince Ali,” and why shouldn’t they? Kids by the millions will be watching this dance for years to come.
What’s better about Aladdin 1992:
- The music. I don’t even think this is a tough call. Several numbers in the “live” remake get off to false starts. Wait, is the song beginning or not? Are you just preparing us, film? When mariner Will Smith sings to his children st the start of the film, one has to be reminded after his first few bars that Will Smith actually held a blockbuster career as a musician. You’d never know it from spots of his performance here.
- Jafar and Iago. This has nothing to do with skin tone or evil makeup or whatever. Jafar was simply a better villain in 1992; he relished in his evil; he schemed aloud and cackled with his amoral genius. He indulged in false empathy and schadenfreude. The “Prince Ali” reprise sung by Jafar at the end of the 1992 film where he taunts Aladdin with Aladdin’s own theme song is the best number in the film because it totally undermines the popinjay feel of the original parade (as it should; Aladdin is supposed be a humble man with a great heart, not a show-pony) The reprise is missing in the 2019 version. As for Iago, the revelation that his “Polly want a cracker” routine is nothing more than a mask is one of the great reveals in 1990s moviedom. After seeing Aladdin 2019, I still dunno how smart the bird is supposed to be.
Boy, it sure looks like there was more to like about the 2019 film, don’t it? Thing is, the music and the villain are generally my favorite parts of any film. So, I’m calling this a wash.
I dunno what you’ve heard, but this Aladdin is fun. It doesn’t cheat any viewer on the count of magic or conflict and only people like me will attack the otherwise reasonable score. This should be good enough for any Disney crowd. I suppose I found the film tad clumsy in the realm of conflict resolution. Unless you’ve missed out on the amateur nit selection draft this year, however, none of that is a big deal. Will Smith has captured the energy, focus, and subtle sarcasm needed of your average all-powerful Genie. The unknown leads are good enough that you’ll root for them, and magic carpet remains my favorite character in this tale. What more could you want?
♪Hey! Clear the way, it’s a movie star
He could buy you off
Like a used car
Oh come
Be the first of the trolls to villify
Make, Re-
One of three
He’s blue! Yes, it’s true!
But you’ll recognize this guy!
Fresh Prince he of Beverly
Has come to flamboy-ya
Condescended for the
Check from Disney
Now try your best not to care
You’re staring at his dope hair
And wondering about his
Azure debonair
Fresh Prince he of MIB
Is MIA now
Heard that Endgame was a sight lovely to see
With a rating contest at stake
He thrived, for goodness sake
Leaving Wick in his wake
That’s Fresh Prince he♫
Rated PG, 128 Minutes
Director: Guy Ritchie
Writer: John August (screenplay by), Guy Ritchie
Genre: Wonder for the kids and a plea for their keepers
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Did you like the first one? You’ll like this one, too.
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: The Alt-Right. And you jerks get yet another chance to prove everything in your world is a contest to see who can be the most immature
♪ Parody Inspired by “Prince Ali”
