“Dr. James Franco. Calling Doctor James Franco.” I love Hollywood. The World is Not Enough gave us Dr. Denise Richards. Yeah, that was believable. I suppose it’s equally believable as the plot to Rise of the Planet of the Apes — drug enhanced smart chimp gives birth to super smart chimp (because the drug altered her DNA — boy, you fellers sher knows yer science-speakin’-talk, doncha?). Super smart chimp raised in family home until it attacks a neighbor. Then it’s put down. Silly me; that’s what happens in real life. In the movies, the chimp gets taken to a primate holding pen run by Draco Malfoy. And here Caeser learns the law of the jungle. The urban jungle.
Don’t worry, Caesar learns really fast. Rising Apes made my day when Caeser flings something foul at Malfoy and Malfoy furiously pivots with the “wait until my father hears about this!” look. Oh Tom Felton, what range! Later, we actually discover that Brian Cox, the primate facility warden, is actually playing Draco’s father. Priceless.
Caesar grows up all roses and rhesus peanut butter cups, but gets real bitter real fast. For a highly intelligent primate, I’d say the guy has some serious manic-depression or bi-polar issues. And there’s your plot, of course. Super-smart nice Caesar gets nothing and likes it. Super-smart Caesar with a Napoleon complex? That guy is brutal. Does Andy Serkis like this stuff? He must. You know what I’m talking about, right? Andy Serkis played Gollum In the Lord of the Rings movies. The way he plays him is he wears a special laughter-inducing suit in front of a green screen and acts out the part. We never have any idea what the guy looks like in real life because his outer shell is translated as Gollum, or in this case, Caesar, a human-sized chimpanzee. I’m guessing Andy Serkis lives for this stuff.
Under the leadership of Andy, I mean Caesar, all the apes get smarter and escape, then join forces with some lab apes and zoo apes all for silly but cool showdown on the Golden Gate Bridge including a three-pronged ape attack. It’s a good thing apes never get tired. The zoo lies! All the same, you can do a lot worse than exploit the beauty of San Francisco for your fantastical police v. apes battle settings.
Rated PG-13, 105 Minutes
D: Rupert Wyatt
W: Rick Jaffa & Amanda Silver
Genre: Alarmist sci-fi
Type of person animal most likely to enjoy this film: Apes
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Humans
