The America’s Cup always struck me as a pretentious hobby for snooty gazillionaires; it never occurred to me these yachting dudes were also sexist pigs. Good to know. Maiden isn’t about the America’s Cup, but the first all-woman team to compete in the grueling Whitbread Round the World Yacht Race. This competition takes place every four years, and asks teams to race yachts from September to May over a collective distance of nearly 30,000 miles. Whatever previous biases I might have held about yachtsfolk, this competition makes privilege and sexism near irrelevant.
Meet English high school dropout Tracy Edwards. So many wonderful things happen when you drop out of high school, huh? Like most dropouts, she discovered a hidden sailing bug, signed on as insignificant crew to a random traveling boat, and met the King of Jordan. In fact, King Hussein I encouraged young Tracy to follow her passion, as in: if she wanted to be part of Whitbread Round the World Yacht Race, then she shouldn’t take “no” for an answer. I suspect it’s easier for uber-wealthy kings to say these things than normal people. Next thing you know, the 23 year old has pushed her way onto a crew as a cook for the 1985-1986 Whitbread event. This wasn’t good enough for Tracy. She wanted to participate in the next one. Guess how many boats said, “Oh yeah, I want a piece of that!”? No, go on, guess. The answer is fun.
Understanding her dilemma, Tracy, despite being penniless and a relatively inexperienced sailor, decided, “if I can’t get onto a boat, I’ll get my own with an all-women crew.” All she needed was twelve veteran, experienced, talented, available, and willing female sailors and about £1,000,000. The latter is the part that gets me. I have no doubt England had lots of talented co-ed sailors in the 1980s, but then they have to buy a boat. And, lemme tell ya, every other team in the race already has a decent boat – in fact, many teams were custom designing racing yachts for exactly this event. To me, this is like entering the Indy 500 with a rental. If these ladies were even remotely competitive, I think they’re owed a lifetime of respect.
Maiden is paced, essentially, by Tracy Edwards and … Tracy Edwards. The present version talks about how she felt at the time and the past version narrates their journey, unaware of her future. Other boat members get screentime, but only Tracy stands out. That’s fine; she’s the heart and soul of the project and we roll the waves of her emotional state. As somebody who knew nothing about yachting, I honestly found it thrilling. I had some issues with emotional tie ups – the same ones I have watching “Amazing Race.” For instance, there’s a tragic non-sequitur that comes on leg #2 (South America to Australia – oh and suck it, Flat Earthers; this movie proves the Earth isn’t the shape of a pie plate). This moment collects a lot of tears without actually being relevant.
From an entertainment perspective, the most fascinating part of Maiden is how much this real life drama mirrors a standard underdog sporting screenplay. One can easily recognize the pre-lim disasters as the same in films like the The Bad News Bears, The Mighty Ducks, Underdogs, or any number of scripted team films. Is there such thing as a formulaic documentary?
For all the time I spend trashing films for a bad title – and you deserve it, Smilla’s Sense of Snow, the object is to get people to want to see your film, morons – I spend relatively little time lauding a great title, so let me do so here. Maiden is a great title; it not only gives the viewer a sense of what will follow by invoking the phrase “Maiden Voyage,” which would describe either a sea journey (Check) or a significant first (Check). The word Maiden itself describes something feminine (Check) and perhaps dainty or in need of rescue (X), but even here I like the title as a deliberate and sarcastic takedown of the culture which would call this set of women frail or not up to the task. And very simply, it’s also the name of the boat (Check).
Years ago, I penned Soccer Sucks, a book I’m slowly recanting as I age. Soccer still does suck, so don’t ask for miracles. But at one point in the book, I penned a –some might call sexist or, in the very least, chauvinist- argument against women holding professions like sports broadcasters. For me, it was all about experience. Girls, in my limited exposure, didn’t grow up living and breathing sports as boys like myself did. I’m a firm believer in experience … or at least I was. This didn’t apply to girls only; I’d say the same of Donald Trump in 2016 – even were this loathsome reptile a reasonable human being, I still say being President of the United States requires a fair amount of political experience, of which he had none, and it shows every.single.day of his presidency. Back to the point, tho … watching Maiden, younger me would have happily rooted for Maiden’s opponents – did not those all male teams pay their dues? Not a man among them had fewer than a dozen years on the sea – can the same be said about the crew of the Maiden? I think not. Heck, wiki says Captain Tracy Edwards was introduced to sailing as a stewardess at age 16 and she’s already insisting on captaincy for the Whitbread in her 20s. That doesn’t seem (comparatively) right, does it?!
Now that I’ve seen the movie, however, I see that I was wrong. Experience definitely counts for a great deal – but how are you supposed to get experience if no one lets you apprentice? In addition, there’s a ton to be said for natural talent and passion filling the gaps where experience is incomplete. I say now that diversity is an asset in all manner of sporting profession and competition. I see no natural reason why – all else being equal– a woman cannot make an outstanding sailboat captain, center fielder, broadcaster, NBA coach, or sumo wrestler. Talent and desire should prevail even when experience lacks. And I apologize if that sounds tardy and condescending to the women who knew this long before I got there; to be sure, I deserve criticism and plenty of it.
Sailing women have a right to be pissed
The skill set has often been dissed
But thanks to miss Trace
And her round-the-world race
They’re no longer maidens of the “missed”
Rated PG, 97 Minutes
Director: Alex Holmes
Writer: The Sea, for all the tales it tells
Genre: F*** you, men!
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Feminists
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Misogynists
