Actually, there are seven. The would-be final tally named Six (Dave Franco) dies at the end of the opening sequence and has to be replaced. It’s ok; the first twenty minutes of this film are so good I’ve actually now seen the beginning three times. 6 Underground wastes little time in getting to the action, an intricate multi-tasking vehicle/foot chase through all of Florence in which plot, subplot, exposition, gore, and fury all come together as one; it’s kind of zen … if zen were about neon and bullet holes.
In this opening chase, we learn a lot of things. Among them: 1) Ryan Reynolds is a billionaire who faked his own death. 2) Ryan Reynolds is in charge of something fairly illegal and fairly dangerous 3) Ryan Reynolds has numbered everybody on the team, including himself (One). 4) This chase is pretty f***ing awesome.
The team itself is comprised of field experts who have fallen off the grid. The scene following the initial fury introduces Six’s replacement, Seven (Corey Hawkins) – who also fakes his own death. Just how common is faking your own death? Can we assume that every time a funeral has no body, the guy is alive? Let me add this for you aspiring death fakers out there: if health care is a problem for the living, it’s gotta be Hell for the dead.
One tells us there’s a freedom in being a ghost. Pretty sure that freedom doesn’t cover bullet wounds, which is a shame because there are going to be a few; however, that’s probably also why Five (Adria Arjona) is a doctor. After an opening in which the 6 Underground used race cars, motorcycles, museums, grenades, helicopters, assassins, high-speed surgery, and parkour to trash the treasures of Florence, director Michael Bay felt the need to remind us that this was indeed a Michael Bay film. Oh, goody. Say Michael, any chance I can get some random explosions, unnecessary sex, and vigilante morality? All of them? At the same time? Perfect. Who else would film a sex scene not just IN an action scene, but AS an action scene?
The deal here is the 6 Underground have deliberately gone, well, underground as rogue agents for the greater good. They have taken it upon themselves to commit political assassinations that “help” people. This particular mission focuses on the removal of Turgistan strongman Rovach Alimov (Lior Raz). This is where morality lives these days – encouraging lawless billionaires to set their own political agendas, essentially because diplomacy means nothing to an entire segment of society. Yeah, that was the problem with Saddam Hussein, right? We didn’t just remove him and leave a wake of chaos and a huge power vacuum into which ISIS took up shop. Except that we did … just in the name of the USA, not a rogue billionaire.
There’s also a Trump-like conceit in the idea that “Just because I don’t know who you are, nobody knows who you are.” Billionaires can’t actually fake their own deaths. Yes, I can only name a few billionaires off the top of my head, so they may as well be anonymous to me, BUT that doesn’t mean they’re anonymous to the world. It’s a limited club and there are a ton of financiers all over the place whose exact job it is to keep up with billionaires. You don’t get to the club by accident or by default, and you certainly don’t leave it without fanfare and proof.
I feel like Michael Bay missed his age. Yes, his films definitely reflected the aggressive quasi-justifiable politics of the W era, but NOW, think about exactly how many Americans openly don’t give a shit about their racism or their inner desire to bring pain in the name of whatever mediocre “good” is being espoused. This is exactly where we are: “Build a wall” “Lock her up” “Drain the swamp” Whatever you think of these messages (I personally would LOVE to see all corruption and pay-for-play rooted out of politics), nothing good backs them, and at their core it’s all about punishing people we don’t like. Michael Bay was born to speak to this generation of power.
The opening wasn’t the only good part of 6 Underground, but the film takes a nose dive once it starts espousing philosophy. If you’re an action junkie, you gotta stay to the bitter end here to see One’s “genius” at play. For the rest of us, however, you might just turn it off at the death of Six and not look back.
One is a billionaire out to right wrongs
Two is an ex-spook who looks great in thongs
Three is a hitter not clandestine
Four is a kid who seems about nine
Five is a doctor out of her depth
Six is dead
Rated R, 128 Minutes
Director: Michael Bay
Writer: Paul Wernick, Rhett Reese
Genre: Bad good stuff? Good bad stuff?
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Folks into action and vigilantism
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Despots
