“Honey, we’ve got Ramones in our shower again … no, I think it’s an infestation. Did you call they guy?”
I do hope you have an exit strategy if you ever find Ramones in your bathroom. Riff Randell (P.J. Soles) handled the fantasy by taking a bigger puff. You know that’s not gonna get out the mildew, Riff. I kid. The Ramones, of course, were one of the greatest bands of the 70s and the best part of 1979 cult classic Rock ‘n’ Roll High School, a disjointed, silly, yet occasionally laugh-out-loud music comedy.
Treading a path recently laid by both Animal House, and –unfortunately- Grease, Rock ‘n’ Roll High School tells the story of a 29-year-old disaffected high school coed desperate to show the world exactly how poorly one can dress if properly motivated. Rebellious “teen” Riff leads a school revolt against Vince Lombardi High’s newly installed Principal Togar (Mary Woronov). And how will Riff lead the downtrodden masses to freedom? Through the music of Johnny, Marky, Joey, and Dee Dee Ramone, a 70s New York
punk band whose songs are blessedly short if you’re not enjoying them.
The basic plot is Riff fancies herself both a rebel and a songwriter, having just penned the titular tune. She thinks it’s a winner and proof that she can write songs, now all she needs to do is get her composition to the Ramones. Luckily for Riff and the screenwriters, the Ramones just happen to be on tour and coming to wherever Vince Lombardi High is located in a matter of days. Hence, Riff has to lead the school rebellion, get tickets to the Ramones concert, and get her song to Joey Ramone before either he leaves town or Principal Togar cracks down on all campus fun. Get it?
This film is high order satire, very much in the Airplane! mode. One of the better running gags involves the high school entrepreneur (Clint Howard) having his own business, including a secretary, accessible through a stall in the boy’s bathroom. I wonder if 12-year-old me considered how vulnerable Clint seemed without his brother Ron somewhere near. As if the set-up wasn’t enough, Eaglebauer (Howard) has machinations like running seminars on proper bra removal and one-liners like his reminiscence on the school’s quarterback: “Tom? Great guy! I love him! Been with him ever since I sold him his first touchdown.” At times, this is a genuine laugh riot.
Speaking of Tom (Vince Van Patten – exactly the type of character would be a villain in an 80s teen film), Rock ‘n’ Roll High School has two awful subplots. They bothered me when I first saw the film forty years ago, and they bother me today: the first is a love triangle among Riff, Tom, and physics nerd Kate (Dey Young – very progressive to have a female science geek in 1979). Kate goes to Eaglebauer to be with Tom. Tom goes to Eaglebauer to be with Riff. Romantically, Riff only desires singing spectre Joey Ramone, but Eaglebauer sets up “training dates” between Tom and Kate anyway. The second subplot is an ugly discovered rivalry between Riff and Ramones’ groupie Angel Dust (Lynn Farrell). Funny how years later this type of self-centered leech would be honored by Almost Famous; here, she’s a troll.
Can we talk P.J. Soles for a second? The mawkish, cloying Ramones sycophant “delivered” in the biggest role of her career, if by delivered one means: she managed to respond to all stimuli as if she has either been named to or demoted from the top of the cheerleader pyramid. This is not a departure from Soles’ career, which is marked by being the kind of girl who enjoys getting you into trouble and smirking about it to her friends. Despite the somewhat limited uses for this persona, the following is the (abbreviated) P.J. Soles five-year filmography between 1976 and 1981:
1976 Carrie
1976 The Boy in the Plastic Bubble
1978 Halloween
1979 Breaking Away
1979 Rock ‘n’ Roll High School
1980 Private Benjamin
1981 Stripes
In five years, Soles managed to land roles in two of the greatest horror films of all time (Carrie and Halloween), the best coming-of-age film of her generation (Breaking Away), two cult classics (Rock ‘n’ Roll High School and The Boy in the Plastic Bubble — both funny films, but for very different reasons), and both the iconic male and iconic female between-war US military anthems (Stripes and Private Benjamin).
There is no one in film history with a five year run like this. No one. Go ahead, look. This would be a reasonable career filmography for 21-time Oscar nominee Meryl Streep. There are GREAT actors who don’t come near this resume. Idris Elba, Jon Hamm, Daniel-Day Lewis … you could combine their careers and still be envious of five years in the life of the negligible, limited, and easy replaced talent that is P.J. Soles. I know so many of you love sports analogies; let me try and put this one in perspective: imagine a third-string wide receiver who –for whatever reason- managed to latch onto five consecutive Super Bowl winners and then you’ll have some perspective on exactly how remarkable was the career of P.J. Soles between 1976 and 1981.
I’ve said my peace on this subject.
Rock ‘n’ Roll High School will always have a soft spot in my heart. Tweener evenings with friends at the UC theater were my first true look into how college students behave and what I could look forward to when I became one. And aside from an untalented clown of a heroine, a weak cast, a metric ton of bad puns, and the strains of a deliberately unaesthetic punk band, what’s not to love in a film? Yeah, I’ll probably watch it again a few years from now.
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Rated G, 93 Minutes
Director: Allan Arkush and Joe Dante
Writer: Richard Whitley & Russ Dvonch and Joseph McBride
Genre: The one where you know you’re making a cult film
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: A Ramone
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Dean Wormer
♪ Parody Inspired by “I Wanna Be Sedated”
