There should be a mockumentary for every subject that takes itself too seriously. I think it should start with the initial groups …the DEA, the TSA, the NSA, the NRA, the NCAA…they all could stand to be taken down a peg. For now, however, I’ll settle for poking fun at international hitmen. I only know about them through film, and what I know could stand for some levity. The Grosse Pointe Blanks are too few and too far in-between.
There is a legendary hitman, “Gunther.” Being a legendary hitman, Gunther is like Bigfoot: he leaves a big impression, yeti’s impossible to locate. Yes, that was a deliberate pun. Gunther has left bodies, sorrow, and jealousy in his wake. Hence, Blake (writer/director/star Taran Killam), wants to assassinate Gunther and, hence, become king of the assassins. Is that how it works? Do you become the best fire fighter by successfully incinerating the current best? I honestly don’t know how the dynamic works, but the theory seems relatively sound.
Ah, but Blake is cheating. His mano a mano is an ambush; he’s collected some colleagues to help in his quest to become “the best.” Luckily, most of them have a bone to pick with Gunther, so it doesn’t necessarily feel like an evil convention. And this is where the fun begins. You know that Pink Panther film where all the dudes are trying to kill Inspector Clouseau at Oktoberfest? Imagine a documentary being made about those guys and you get a good feel for this picture.
The rogues gallery of hitters includes: Blake, a standard movie silencer-n-pun guy, Sanaa (Hannah Simone), a sniper whose proud ex-hitman father follows her everywhere, Donnie (Booby Moynihan), a demolitions expert and master of no disguises, Izzat (Amir Talai), an Islamic terrorist with a robotic arm, Pak Yong Qi (Aaron Yoo), a master of poisons, a
crazy Russian sibling tandem (Ryan Gaul and Allison Tolman), and crappy IT guy named Gabe (Paul Brittain). And to document their feat, Blake has hired a camera crew to follow the action. The first half of this film plays a lot like a deadly version of “The Office.”
I never quite realized exactly how useless a poison specialist is, but they’re pretty darn useless, especially in a fight. And, of course, it’s not that the man isn’t a master of his craft. Just …how do you use strychnine in a fire fight? For that matter, a demolitions expert is only as good as the trap he’s set; if you don’t venture into the explosion radius, you’ll probably live, y’know? I can honestly say this film amused me for a while.
The mysterious “Gunther” is something of a hitman Godot, always to be referenced, never to be seen. This figure does, however, eventually show up on screen. I will not give Gunther’s identity away, but I honestly feel it detracts from the film. Here’s the problem: Gunther is a name actor, much, much bigger than anyone in the regular cast. So when Gunther is introduced, the film becomes Gunther, not Killing Gunther. And there wasn’t quite enough steam to make it a full 90 minutes with just one repeated joke about the squad’s ineptitude (or at least comparative ineptitude), so the film had to go in another direction eventually. There is little question, however, that all the fun of this comedy in acts I and II.
Gunther’s death would mean a plan fulfilled
For members of a choice assassins guild
Unsure if they licked ‘im
Yet their aim found a victim
Ninety minutes were successfully killed
Rated R, 92 Minutes
Director: Taran Killam
Writer: Taran Killam
Genre: Fun with homicide
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Fans of black humor
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Genuine hitmen, I imagine
