We were literally saved by the bells. You see, a superior race of humanoids – so human, in fact, they’re able to mate with humans – had come to annihilate the planet. To paraphrase, “Well, I was gonna destroy all humankind, but then I heard music (!)”
Awww, aren’t you just the most adorable genocidal freaks? And are they ever! The would-be eliminators of human history and representation in the universe came to Earth dressed in bright red jumpsuits with inverted buckets for helmets. And the representatives themselves, banjo-playing General Trius (Nils d’Aulaire) and acoustic guitar enthusiast Kevin (Jay Klaitz), look like guys who never outgrew Dungeons & Dragons. Fair to say if these guys do in the planet, Earthlings should be more than a little embarrassed. It’s like losing the Super Bowl to a pre-pubescent flag-football team.
Of course, at first it was up only to “Bill” (nee General Trius from planet Hondo), but while looking for a good place to detonate the chemical weapon capable of mass murder in the billions, he stumbled across muzac in a Home Depot and couldn’t believe his ears. Bill decided on the spot to
spare Earth and become a musician himself. Weird. And lucky break. I mean, imagine if General Trius had first encountered music in the form of Nickelback, Night Ranger, or a polka. “Ahh! What the HELL, Earthlings! Just for that, I’m killing all the dogs and the pandas, too!”
Spared from our cruel-yet-nerdy overlords, Earthlings went along destroying themselves while Bill became a husband, father, and local club favorite in Brooklyn. And that’s when Kevin showed up to Kill Bill and carry out Bill’s mission. Don’t worry, one dude is “General Trius” and the other dude is “Kevin.” Put survival money on the General.
I’m not entirely positive, but from what I gather, The History of Future Folk was intended to be a musical biopic that got out of hand. Future Folk is an actual duet featuring Nils d’Aulaire and Jay Klaitz. They played small-time venues starting in 2004 and by the end of the decade had graduated up to different small-time venues. I suppose the joke is on me if y’all have heard of this band. I had not. The movie is silly and cute, occasionally worth a wry smile or a deflated, “awww.” There’s nothing ground-breaking about this work and you won’t be surprised that you don’t recognize the leads or anyone in it even though the film was made a decade ago. There are many worse ways to waste 85 minutes, I can tell you that much.
Some annihilator from planet Hondo
Gave it up when he first heard a rondo
Now he strums all the day
His doom machine put away
In a shoebox in the back of his condo
Not Rated, 85 Minutes
Director: John Mitchell, Jeremy Kipp Walker
Writer: John Mitchell
Genre: I can’t tell if you’re being silly or serious
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Those with a desire to be entertained
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Those without
