Few movies need to hold a press conference afterwards. Not a lot, but a few. And this is one, for as much as I LOVED Spider-Man: No Way Home, I came out of the theater with a lot more questions than I had going in … and I really would have enjoyed seeing a post-movie interview session just like in the sporting world. Sure, maybe part of it would be devoted to why “Spidey” chose a particular attack at a particular time, but mostly it would involve asking the writers and producers why they included what they included. It’s not to say that it didn’t work. It is to say why include these elements a la carte when it was just as logical to include other elements?
This particular opus, the third film (depending on how you count) in the Tom Holland Spider-Man collection, first begs the question: “Why does only Spider-Man get a multi-verse?” I’ve seen “What if …?” There are an infinite number of possibilities. Why not Mindy Kaling as Wonder Woman? Why not Mindy Kaling as Iron Man? Why not Tracy Morgan as the Flash? Why not Dwayne Johnson as The Hulk (and see if people can actually tell a difference)?
I feel like the producers screw with the Spider-Verse out of lack of respect for the players, as if to say there’s nothing wrong with the character or the plot – which is why they’ve made so many of these things – what keep us unengaged is the idea of Peter Parker being limited to one (1) body. The irony here being I’ve never found Spider-Man –by himself- so compelling as when played by Tom Holland alone. I like the version of Spider-Man who doesn’t have all the answers, who still enjoys Lego, and has no idea how to kiss a girl, let alone get a woman to fall in love with him. It’s refreshing and something I will miss when the character inevitably passes to another adult pretending to be a teenager.
But I’ve said too much already. The biggest problem about reviewing this film is I’m going to spoil it. And I cannot give you an honest review without doing so at least a little. So hang with me; I will try not to give too much away.
Fresh off being outed in public as Spider-Man, Peter Parker (Holland) is not feelin’ the love. It’s hard to tell him, “forest for the trees, buddy, forest.for.the.trees.” He can probably deal with the Alex Jones-like attacks from J. Jonah Jameson (JK Simmons) and even deal with normal citizens recognizing and reviling him, yet it’s tough to take MIT black-balling not only he, but his two best buds, MJ (Zendaya) and Ned (Jacob Batalon). The latter two have been nixed by association, to which I say, “Damn, that’s petty; are you sure MIT is where you want to be?”
So, hey, how do you handle a PR crisis? Funny story, Spider-Man knows a powerful wizard, Dr. Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch), and in the first major “HUH?!” moment of the film, Strange condescends to grant Parker’s wish to erase his name from human consciousness. Oh, hey! But it would suck ass if Ned and Zendaya didn’t know who I was, knowwhatI’msayin’? Oh, and my aunt. Oh and the Avengers. Oh, and the people who like me. Suffice to say, Peter Parker didn’t think this one through. The film acknowledges exactly this and yet still lets the highly cynical and relatively practical Dr. Strange go through with this madness.
And then another doctor shows up. Doctor Otto Octavius, who is not a new Tom Holland villain, but the same guy (Alfred Molina) battled two or three Spider-Men ago, 
depending on how you count. This allows the film not only to resurrect a damn good historical foe, but also 1) make fun of his ridiculous name and 2) ask itself “What the Hell is that guy doing here? He belongs in the Tobey Maguire Spider-Verse.”
Trust me when I say the fun is just beginning.
Spider-Man: No Way Home is not titular exaggeration so much as metaphorical certainty. There are things done in this film that cannot be un-done no matter how many wizards or alternate universes you have access to. This film is exciting, introspective, intelligent, and somber all at once. It is both an action thriller and a “be careful what you ask for” film, which is a rare and -to me- energizing combination. Every other action film you see will naturally seek to justify itself (ex: “John McClane had to fight back; the damage is all justified by Hans Gruber’s greed”). This makes No Way Home a superior film, even by genre standards. Although I am left with literally dozens of questions following this screenplay, I have no problem calling Spider-Man: No Way Home among the best movies of the 2021.
It’s not that I don’t even care
Quite the contrary I do declare
But Tom, Tobey, Andrew
Shameik, Hailee and who?
Just how many “Spider-Men” are there?
Rated PG-13, 148 Minutes
Director: Jon Watts
Writer: Chris McKenna, Erik Sommers
Genre: Reinventing reinvention
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who can keep up
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People who cannot
