I was hoping for something along the lines of We’re No Angels. What I got was a poor man’s poorer man’s Ben-Hur. And I’m not terribly pleased about it. The object of most film is entertainment, but the object of Christian film is some sort of ad campaign. “And look! We got Mark Wahlberg! Yay! Now the masses will just have to come!”
Ummm, no.
God might be everywhere, but young to not-so-young Stuart Long (Wahlberg) had trouble locating Them. Stuart, a profound mediocrity with model glued facial hair, spent years as a minor-league pro boxer cuz he didn’t want to work a day job.
And that’s when God found him, right? No.
Given the news that boxing was bad for his health, Stuart decided to move to Hollywood and become an actor … and work on his drunk driving hobby on the side.
And that’s when God found him, right? No.
Getting a job as a meat counter jockey, he spies Carmen (Teresa Ruiz), a devout Catholic. He stalks her to her place of worship.
And that’s when God found him, right? No.
Look, I could go on with this, but I’m not going to. Suffice to say, eventually blue collar Stu, a thought-free, impulsive, unimpressive child of divorced parents gets a visit from God and vies for the priesthood. I’m sorta glad he’s turning his life around, I guess. He wasn’t a bad guy, just kind of a selfish one. And even his calling feels selfish. Why? Because Carmen had taken a liking to him and Catholicism doesn’t allow for married priests. So the only character I liked in the film has been burned.
In fact, the whole calling thing seems a lot more sensational than effective. Feel free to look up the history of Stuart Long. It’s Long on prologue and short on payoff. Wouldn’t he have made a greater impact on Catholicism
by marrying Carmen and teaching his fictitious children to be good Christians? Father Stu comes off less as pious tribute to the goodness of a man and much more as an ad for Christianity: God’s so hip, They ID’d this moron to come lead the flock; but, hey, make sure there’s none of that there alcoholism, priestly urges, or homosexuality. We don’t go for that. (Psst … don’t look up our history on that stuff.)
I attended a Catholic grade school; I attended a Catholic university, which means I know a lot of Christians. Good people. Tributes to their faith. The problem is the people I know are not the public face of Christianity. Right now, the voice of American Christianity is, “I LIKE POWER!” and the face of Christianity is literally anybody who can be employed towards that goal, be it Mark Wahlberg, Mel Gibson, or Donald Trump. It discriminates not-at-all when it comes to wielding the scepter. The voice has found power through manipulation of the GOP (and vice-versa) begging the question: “Exactly what part of the modern GOP would Jesus Christ approve of? Anti-welfare? Anti-immigration? Voter suppression? Pro big business? The pro-birth, anti-everything-else-about-life, stance? Or how about just the endless stream of hate and vitriol that trumpets out of Republican representatives?” Hate sounds very, very Christ-like doesn’t it? It’s so Him.
Father Stu is better than, say, the usual Kendrick Brothers mess, but at the end of the day, this is just more Christian-based propaganda. And ineffective propaganda at that. The world doesn’t need more Christians; it needs the current batch of Christians to act more Christian. Is the film that makes that happen? HAH!
There once was a boxer called Stu
Who hung ‘em up not knowing what to do
So he went for a ride
Then crashed and nearly died
The first EMT was Mother Mary, who knew?
Rated R, 124 Minutes
Director: Rosalind Ross
Writer: Rosalind Ross
Genre: Recruiting film
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The choir
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: “Less God, more plot”
