OK, time to play “Who Wants to Be a Duchess?” Say, young adult American person making minimum wage and trying to pay for student loans and housing (good thing you’re not sick, amIright?), how would you like a free trip to England to live in a castle, meet long-lost relatives, and opt in for a chance at making that your entire life?
Sound too good to be true? Well, it is. Of course it is.
This film begins with a suicide, one of those classy English manor suicides you hear so much about – you know the ones where the young-ish dame makes piano wire into a noose, jumps in plain view of the castle denizens just to show ‘em and, in the process, claims a bust of either Sir John Gielgud or Benny Hill for good measure. That kind of suicide. Because it’s an English manor death, you can watch it live and it is near impossible to guess what year we are in: 1972? 2019? 1850? … just know that we will return to this at some point.
New Yorker, struggling artist, and catering barista Evie (Nathalie Emmanuel) ran out of parents not long ago which unfortunately makes her extra susceptible when some English ponce shows up pretending to be related. You certainly wouldn’t know it by family resemblance. Well, hey, there’s a wedding next week at a castle, wanna come? And Evie agrees, not just because this is a movie, but –be honest- if somebody showed up claiming to be family and offered The Invitation of a European vacation, would you go? Actually, the way I’ve worded it, there’s a zero percent chance I accept that invite. Can’t you smell a scam when it reeks this badly?
Regardless, Evie does accept. I suppose there is a point in life where you simply accept invitations because yo
u have so little to lose and Evie is there. And, check it, Holmes, big pristine castle and I’ve got my own maid servant! Cool! That doesn’t stop Evie from befriending the hired help, cuz, you know, they’re people too, even in England.
And then horror starts to happen. The hired help starts … disappearing. Dudes, next time don’t use the evil wine cellar. They should really label those things. How are they disappearing? They’re being attacked. By what, who can guess? Does Evie care? Nah, she’s into the hunky Lord Puffnstuff or whatever (Thomas Doherty). Come for a wedding, collect a new life. You can do worse, girl, amIright?
Or can she.
I found this “Buyer Beware!” cautionary tale a tad one-dimensional. There’s obviously a secret. There’s obviously a showdown to come. The film is gonna take its sweet little time getting around to it … which is fine as long as there’s some meat in the secondary plots. I found them and Evie generally lacking. So we’re essentially waiting until the big reveal and then seeing how Evie reacts, which is thrilling … but I wasn’t enthralled enough to decide the waiting is worthwhile. For me, The Invitation gets an RSVP of “No.” I will neither return with myself nor a plus one.
There once was an artist named Evie
Who lost mom and became all grieve-y
Then her long lost cuz
Tried to use her, because
His people did not own a TV
Rated PG-13, 105 Minutes
Director: Jessica M. Thompson
Writer: Blair Butler
Genre: Lifestyles of the rich and creepy
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: People who have been catfished
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: English nobility
