Shame! Shame! Shame on you, imdb voters! Your “7.9” as of this writing is exact testimony to tribalism and not one single other thing. It does not reflect quality; it does not reflect reality; it reflects the bias of the people who chose to vote and nothing more. “Gee, so long as they’re playing our message, it’s an Oscar-worthy film!” As far as I can tell, the pre-screening love of Unsung Hero is like scientologists touting Battlefield Earth, twins going gaga over Jack and Jill, or waterfowl promoting Howard the Duck.
You’ve gone too far this time, Christian nationalist jerks. The biggest problem is I don’t think even you jokers believe this is great film. I mean, you do realize you’re rooting for an immigrant, right? And one who is deliberately out to abuse the system [read: waste YOUR tax money] by inviting his “freeloading” family and overstaying his visa.
Let me backtrack. Unsung Hero begins with the very worst teaser IN MOVIE HISTORY. I do not exaggerate. By teaser I mean: you know that scene at the start of a film where the milieu is immediately intriguing and then the film has to backtrack to see how we got there? Films do this when they know they don’t have a strong chronological opening, so they cheat to get your immediate attention by placing the hero or heroes in an opening scene that actually takes place much later in the movie timeline; when this happens, your brain works at the problem of starting in the middle, i.e. “How did we get to the damsel tied to railroad tracks?” That sort of thing.
Unsung Hero begins with a family in police custody. And that darn policeman is being SO MEAN to these poor Aussie Christians! “What’s your name?” he barks in turn at each of the six children in descending age and then he threatens mom with incarceration if she does something he needs to incarcerate her for! So where is dad? And what trouble has everybody gotten into?
Wait for it …
Wait for it …
Thirty minutes later, we find out this is customs in a United States airport. Customs, TSA’s older and stupider brother. The Smallbones aren’t even being arrested. The worst that can happen is they will be sent back to Australia — where their people didn’t want them to leave in the first place. Where – if you’re a good Republican these days – they ought to go for the crime of wanting to stay here longer than a visit. We the audience were supposed to worry over being detained in an airport?! Geez; they’re not even from the Middle East. They were in about as much trouble as being confronted by a meter maid.
This particular movie moment is mountain of all molehills. This is worse than teasing a speeding ticket or trip to McDonald’s. There was never any fear that these folks would go to jail (especially as they’re white) and yet, film, you’ve played it up like they’re America’s Most Wanted. I could hate the film for this teaser alone.
And I do.
Let me skim through the rest. David Smallbone (writer/director/star Joel Smallbone) is a Christian rock promotor … and, apparently, a virtuous rock promotor at that [pause for laughter]. Yeah, he’s a virtuous music tour promotor … cuz, yeah, those exist. And he’s in trouble for a hunk of money lost on promoting Amy Grant. I’m sorry; I must have misheard: you lost $500k in 1991 on Amy Grant?! Please explain that part. Who is investing half a mil in 1991 on an Amy Grant tour, and why are the losses all at the expense of the tour promotor? Are you sure this is based on a true story, cuz right now the only thing that seems real about it is the part where an ultra-Christian family has 6.5 children.
You see, something here just does not smell right … it isn’t enough for the subject of this film to be a hapless, down-on-his-luck but morally strong music producer; we have to live the fantasy that somebody invested his entire life savings on Amy Grant and lost it all because the economy turned, a move “no one could see coming.” Oh? Black Tuesday just two years earlier wasn’t a hint that supply side economics didn’t work? How about ALL the other indicators, like the fact that the job market was DOA long before George HW left office?
And the fact that this is all reported by the obsequious offspring acting, writing, and directing this love letter to his dad doesn’t make the story any truer for me. (“So, Eric Trump, do you 
think your father is a narcissistic fascist asshole? No?! Really? Tell me more …”) And, like every damn Christian film, then the praying comes. Down on their luck in Nashville, dad and the 7.5 others he’s dragged to the United States on false premises pray on film – still the very worst thing you can do on film – that their lives get better. Well, of course, God helps those who help themselves to Christian propaganda, so here we are again.
As this is yet another in an endless line of modern “YAY Christians!” films, tell me Christian Nationalists, what do you like about it? Do you like the part where a family enters the country on false pretenses and doesn’t leave when even those pretenses turn out to be … how shall I put this … “pretenses?” You like when they sponge off the state? I didn’t think so. You seem to abhor the mere notion of Mexicans doing such. So, you must like their faith in God, yes? Well … what if they were Muslim? What if they were brown and came from an African or Asian country and found the same success in the United States? Would that be different? Would the film be just as good?
Because I know this game and context matters. It matters A LOT. I say “SHAME ON YOU” because if the context were changed ever so slightly, all of you voters would insist this is a terrible picture. This picture is “great” because it exactly aligns with your vision of your faith, not for a single facet of genuine merit.
Screw you. Unsung Hero sucks no matter who it stars. You don’t go from the worst teaser in movie history and a very questionable premise to “What an uplifting narrative!” Uh uh. I cannot wait until the Godsquad era is over.
There was once a promotor, Smallbone
With a skill set in need of a hone
His career in the straits
He ran off to the States
And now revisionist history we’re shown
Rated PG, 113 Minutes
Director: Richard L. Ramsey, Joel Smallbone (why, he has the same exact name as one of the children in this film! What a coincidence!)
Writer: Richard L. Ramsey, Richard Ramsey (Ok, I give; What’s the difference between the first and the second, besides an ‘L.’?), Joel Smallbone
Genre: Another tiresome Christian sermon
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: The kind of people who think there isn’t enough God in film
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: Everybody else
