Ahhhhh, we all love to dream big … even the shabby shrimpy shit-shlepping Shetland pony looking to score big at the “Barn Search” or whatever they call their knockoff “Idol” for farm animals.
They have that? Sure, why not.
You should know up front this entire film is a knockoff from the Trolls universe. Vaguely cute anthropomorphized cartoons looking for love and acceptance by displaying their vocal talents? Yeah. Same damn film.
Thelma (voice of Brittany Howard) is a work pony who wants to be a show pony. We think she’s cute as is, but the undersized equine has critics in the form of self-perception and barn judges. Hence, her band doesn’t get to perform at the local drunken barn dance/star search competition. And, alas, no one gets to hear Thelma’s beautiful voice.
One day Thelma is toolin’ around the farm and literally stumbles upon a flat-ended carrot. Well hey, a little mud, a little imagination, and some cartoon physics and *poof* unicorn! Short corgi-like unicorn, but unicorn! One pink glitter truck and some second-level cartoon physics and *poof* pink glitter unicorn! Well, if that doesn’t bring the girls and boys to your yard, nothing will. One viral video later and Thelma even has the attention of a sleazy promotor. What more could anyone ask?
You want to scoff at the self-defeating rabbit-hole of stardom achieved, but at least Thelma got one and Thelma the Unicorn was wise-enough to recognize this as a big moment in Thelma’s life … unlike other films I could mention (*cough* BacktoBlack *cough*).
Meanwhile, in another outlandish cartoon, Nikki Narwhal (Ally Dixon) is a diva on her downward career arc. I l
ike two things about Nikki: 1) that she’s a narwhal and 2) her “Pool Boys” backup dancers who believe if they stop dancing, they’ll die. Wouldn’t it be funnier if they were sharks? Maybe it’s me.
Nikki, of course, becomes Thelma’s big rival for the attention of promotor, Jemaine Clement. You truly haven’t experienced Thelma the Unicorn until you hear Vic Diamond (Clement) sing the “Three C’s of Success” (Change, Cologne, Partnership. Don’t ask). And don’t miss “Sell Out Records” releasing Thelma’s big co-hit “Here Comes the Cud.”
I will not deny that some of this is funny.
That said, one also cannot deny the mixed message of this film. Thelma the Unicorn wanted to promote authenticity and being yourself, which are fine messages for any child – so long as you’re not an asshole – however, the film can’t get away from the fact that Thelma only became popular in the first place because people thought she was a unicorn. So the message is … fake it until you’re popular enough that a mass of morons won’t care that you were a big phony? What is this, The Donald Trump Story? No. It’s knockoff Trolls.
There was once a pony named Thelma
And in the doldrums, she’d dwell-ma
But then one day
A glitter array
Made her a fake-ass star, just swell-ma
Rated PG, 93 Minutes
Director: Jared Hess, Lynn Wang
Writer: Jared Hess, Jerusha Hess, Aaron Blabey
Genre: Trolling trolls
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Fans of Brittany Howard
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: If you don’t like the Trolls universe, you aren’t gonna like knockoff Trolls any better
