If you turned out to be Aubrey Plaza, would you be impressed? All else being equal, of course. I mean, you’re not Aubrey Plaza, Hollywood A-minus lister; you’re Aubrey Plaza, big-eyed, gap-toothed PhD candidate. Would that do it for ya? I suppose it depends who you are. I certainly could do worse. (And, btw, if you are the real Aubrey Plaza, I love you! What are you doing on the frogblog?!)
For Elliott’s 18th birthday, she and her friends visit the nearby woodsy island and do ‘shrooms. There are worse ways to spend your 18th birthday. Elliott and her fam are cranberry farmers, which is a unique take. Hard not to like a family that owns a working bog. They live in section of Ontario that’s knows enough people to have golf courses and docks that open to a general store, and yet there is little struggle for privacy in this land. Seems kind of ideal … or at least seems so in summer when this is clearly filmed.
I didn’t like that Elliott’s one black friend, Ro (Kerrice Brooks), is the drug supplier. But, small quibble; we shall move on. At first the mushrooms have no effect on Elliott (Maisy Stella), and then *poof* Aubrey Plaza is there as Elliott 39-year-old self.
Obviously, your first take is gonna be, “WHOA! How did ‘shrooms summon old me?!” After that, however, this situation begs several normal questions starting with, “How would you advise 18-year-old you?”
I would give myself several specific examples to enhance my life, along with some more general ones: no-brainers like “Bet on the Giants to beat the undefeated Patriots in the Super Bowl,” “take advantage of opportunities because you get fewer and fewer as you age,” “don’t go to law school,” “and for God sake, stop caring about professional sports; not a single game played by others should define who and what you are. That’s silly.” I dunno how I’d advise myself to defeat MAGA. I don’t think I could even knowing what was coming, but I could warn myself that once Trump takes hold of the GOP, he will be able to disgrace him, them, and the United States to an unlimited extent and never be held accountable.
But I digress.
Old Ass Elliott gives no financial tips (boo. I mean, seriously, there’s a “white privilege” there that’s hard to miss), and -in fact- gives surprisingly little advice other than “be kinder to your 
family” (good tip, always) and “avoid Chad.” (Also, seems like a good tip, always.)
The movie just rolls with the whole breaking-the-space-time-continuum-and-astral-plane stuff with such nonchalance that at one point I believed the entire movie was a mass hallucination. You can’t just put “My Old Ass” contact info into someone’s phone and expect results. Please watch 12 Monkeys for a better exploration of this particular issue.
The mechanics of time travel are not what this movie is about, for better or worse and often both. The key part here is that the film is a romance in which old Elliott keeps giving the same non-nuanced advice to her younger self (“stay away from Chad”) without explaining to her or any of us why not. Despite the obvious red flag (the name “Chad”) Chad (Percy Hynes White) seems like an ok dude and a good match. How is he gonna break your heart?
For me, My Old Ass is the ultimate mixed bag. The sci-fi gets an F. A flat-out F. The romance gets a B+. The comedy, I dunno, C+/B-, maybe. The unexplained stuff (like when they go golfing, why doesn’t Elliott golf?) gets a D. But the heart of the film gets an A, and that’s what the audience is responding to when asked how they felt about the film. I’d have longer, more intense conversations with both my older self and my younger self … and I doubt that either would involve a desire to see/touch My Old Ass, but I do like the idea of this film, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t move me. It’s as bad a sci-fi as you’re ever going to find, and yet it’s as warm a film as you’re likely to see this month. Good enough for you?
There was once a Canadian lass
Who contacted herself with sass
Asked for advice
She tried to play nice
Yet fixated constantly on her Old ASS
Rated R, 89 Minutes
Director: Megan Park
Writer: Megan Park
Genre: Lessons I’d teach myself
Type of being most likely to enjoy this film: Romantics
Type of being least likely to enjoy this film: People bothered by the half -(My Old) Assed mechanics
