Santa 
is Russian? Santa is hunky? What about jolly, fat Santa? You know, the one who’s not an action figure? Gimme a sec. I’ll get there. Right about the time when I figure out why the Easter Bunny is Australian. And beweaponed? What’s that about? Santa wields sabers? Santa fights? Sorry, I’m back on Santa. Exactly whom do we imagine brawny Santa slicing up? Why is the Easter Bunny a tough guy? It’s like discovering Mr. Rogers is a closet ninja.
Rise of the Guardians is The Avengers for the under-ten crowd. Santa (voice of Alec Bladwin, doing a great, if perplexing, Russian accent), the Easter Bunny (Hugh Jackman), the Sandman and the Tooth Fairy (Isla Fisher) are all in league to protect the children of the world. How they do this by doling out toys, candy, sleep and swapping teeth for money is still unclear to me. Now, the moon (yes, that Moon) has decided that Jack Frost (Chris Pine), with his power of pneumonia or whatever, is to be added to the Guardians. Boy, I’m taking a lot on faith here.
If I understand this correctly (big if), the moon has signed on Frost to a three-year Guardian deal for an undisclosed amount of mirth and ice. He’s needed, of course, to battle The Boogeyman (Jude Law). Oh, The Boogeyman exists, too, does he? Why, yes, and it takes all the powers of present delivery, egg-hiding and
tooth swapping to bring his ass down. The Boogeyman enacts his evil by capturing Sandman. In turn, Boogey gains power by trading dreams for fear, a job usually reserved for Karl Rove. There’s some marvelous animation that goes with the mute Sandman delivering golden-brown-sugar colored threads of joy to the children of the world, which in turn get swapped for the rays of menacing black darkness of nighthorse thundering usurpers. I don’t think small children will enjoy the kidnapping of the benevolent Sandman; it’s a tad frightening even for not-so-children.
Still trying to get over Jude Law voicing a villain here. Is his voice suited for evil just because he’s English? Eh, works for me.
Will Sandy return? Sure, if you believe. Well, that’s kind of the point of the story — these legendary figures gain power from belief; it’s a not-so-subtle metaphor for religious faith, but we’re not going there. Maybe in: Again with the Guardians when the moon signs Jesus and Buddha to long-term contracts.
Listen up, children, all you fans of Jack
Of frivolity and mischief he does not lack
Invited to the crowd
Mr. Frost objects loud
Do you really want him guarding your back?
Rated PG, 97 Minutes
D: Peter Ramsey
W: David Lindsay-Abaire
Genre: Superfriends
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: The wide-eyed innocent child who isn’t afraid of the boogeyman
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: The boogeyman
