The Green Lantern

The aliens selected Hal Jordan because of his courage? Were there no Gryffindors available? Those guys aren’t doing anything right now.

I thought superhero films were supposed to be not, y’know, boring. Sometimes you gotta break the rules. The film is trouble early when we get introduced to a planet of Green Lantern guys. Really? There are thousands? Why do give a crap about this particular one, then? Green Lanterns all wield a ring of power; it allows the bearer to rule them all create anything your mind can imagine, much like the mask in, well, The Mask. That’s a heckuva tool. As a movie vehicle, however, the ring is a mixed blessing – you can create literally anything, sure, but you’re limited to what the screenwriter can think up and what the CGI guys can create. The special effects were fine, but the gimmick gets old, especially if the imagination is weak. And movie patrons then start to behave as your average Ray Harryhausen audience used to – the script is lame; we’re just waiting for the next cool thing to appear.

Truth be told, I was actually juiced for Green Lantern. Ryan Reynolds is coming off the best performance of his career (Buried), one strong enough that I actually revisited The Proposal (the film in which Sandra Bullock feigns a relationship with the much younger Reynolds to stave off deportation). I found Proposal much better upon second viewing, thanks in part to a concentration on what Reynolds what doing on screen, not what the asinine script called for. So, here we go, Green Lantern offers Reynolds that rare chance to be everything – here’s your film, go make us love you. And … I can’t think of a single adjective to describe newly chosen ring-bearer Frodo Hal Jordan as portrayed by Reynolds. “Hunky”? No, not really. “Handsome”? I guess. Those are hardly complimentary words in describing performances. I can’t say this was Reynolds fault, but I didn’t care what was going on when the ring was not in use, and cared very little when it was.

I couldn’t actually tell you what the plot is here, either. Something about the destruction of the universe and Ringo and the boys have to take down the big yellow meanie. It also involved Peter Sarsgaard growing a size 84-large head.

You should really get that looked at.

The theme of Green Lantern is also wanting. We are told that Green Lanterns are chosen for their fearlessness. Really? Think of all the qualities that make one heroic: skill, imagination, resilience, intelligence, generosity, selflessness, strength, speed, durability … and the Universe says fearlessness –by itself- is the big ticket to the magic ring? You mean the Green Lantern galaxy is dominated by Rodeo Clowns and X-Gamers? That’s more than a tad disturbing. Fear is a necessary tool. Lack of it shows foolishness in the young and resignation in the old. In my neighborhood, there’s an easy way to find the fearless – they’re dead. “Be fearless and you’ll have great power.” Fantastic message for the kids, fellas.

I’d worry about that message except my twelve-year-old couldn’t wait to leave. Superhero movie that can’t hold the attention of a twelve-year-old … what would you conclude?

D: Martin Campbell
W: Greg Berlanti, Michael Green, Marc Guggenheim, Michael Goldenberg (I am just devastated by how many people it takes to write a bad movie these days. And it’s always a collection of prematurely-middle-aged white guys, isn’t it?)
Genre: Unimpressive hero
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: Fangirls on pins and needles awaiting that break-out performance from Peter Sarsgaard (it didn’t come, btw)
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: Everybody else