For years, we’ve gotten accustomed to the inane-but-benign (yes, I did enjoy saying that. Thank you) idea that turf wars could be settled on the dance floor. Oh, the amount of times I have been served. For shame, for shame. Last year, Hollywood decided the genre could use a branching out and gave us Step Up Revolution. The additions of props, costumes and various venues were to be interpreted as political commentary. It still was You Got Served, of course, but at least it was a nice day out. Now? You Got Served goes to the Olympics. What used to be personal is now national.
It’s hard to call Battle of the Year a poor direction for the genre; truth is the genre sucks, hence, ANY direction is a welcome one. Every single dance is: somebody young, lithe and dressed very poorly does something incredibly athletic and then turns and gestures as if what he or she has just done has somehow belittled his/her opponent. I would love to see other sports settled in this fashion. It doesn’t even have to be projectile sports: you could have a hundred yard dash in which a sprinter takes three graceful strides, stops and challenges his opponent to match the artistry. The silliness can apply to artistic competitions like figure skating and gymnastics as well: imagine a tattoed ringsmaster with baggy jeans completing a triple flip dismount and topping it with a pirouette, an angry face and a crotch grab. Geez, did I just channel an episode of Family Guy?
Bleah. I’ve stalled too long. You wanna know about this movie? You wanna know about this movie?! Ok, you asked for it. The guy from Lost (Josh Holloway) is an ex-champion washout basketball coach drunk. He gets recruited by his best friend to coach the national dance team. Turns out this is a concern and we are a shamed nation. The team has been getting its collective backwards hat handed to it on a yearly basis by the international dance powers. First thing coach does is learn about dancing. No kidding. Then he stiffs the locals and recruits an all-star team. I’m sorry, if we’re that selective about players, why aren’t we that selective about coaching? When 
the all-stars together, it turns out they don’t get along, but thanks to hard-line coaching and few montages, they still don’t get along. Although coach has the best dance talent across from across the United States, the fellas don’t come together until they put their egos aside and dance as a team.
I think I’m gonna be sick right here.
It takes forever to get to anything worthwhile in this film. The quality dancing is seen in brief by a Russian team in a dual meet (“oh, nyet, you di-int!”) 50 minutes in. Then we have to wade through more posturing/cuts/very shallow character development to get back to the good stuff. The boys are all posturing asses. I didn’t care if they ever got their shit together; my national ego certainly isn’t on the line here. The finale doesn’t make the film worth it, but the non-crotch grabbing dancing really is spectacular in parts; this is the only reason this film rises above the basement level. The American team makes the final with a two minute segment completely blindfolded. I don’t care if it’s a trick – that was worth keeping my own eyelids ajar. It’s quite clear the “team” practiced this routine a great deal in lieu of acting lessons…
You Got Served is a bad genre. All we want to see is the X-Gamers at work. And all I want to see is a routine that isn’t punctuated by an obscene gesture. That still won’t get me anywhere near, say, the national cheerleading championships, of course. Adding the competition here was a silly mistake. If you care about the United States’ national teams, just go watch Miracle. It’s the same damn story, only much better, and, by the way, it really happened.
Grandstanding has its own rewards
Especially when hated foes cross swords
Together, they beam
On national team
Call it the “Miracle on floor boards”
Rated PG-13, 109 Minutes
D: Benson Lee
W: Brin Hill, Chris Parker and Benson Lee
Genre: National posturing
Type of person most likely to enjoy this film: That rare combination of person who loves the USA, dance and showing up an opponent in equal measure.
Type of person least likely to enjoy this film: “Yeah, I’ve seen a guy slide on his head already.”
